The Accessible Family Circus

Dolly didn't even hear PJ's words, for she was transfixed. Something struck her about the purposeful way the man worked the mouthpiece of that instrument. In it, she saw her calling. "It doesn't matter that I'm fat. If I can do that people will like me...and Dear God, I think I can to that".

Sadly, Dolly never learned to play the tuba, but she did look back fondly on that moment whenever a John gave her a decent tip.

HAHA. That's really funny, Billy. It is a good thing Spiderman's mom wasn't scared of insects, huh? That is a funny observation. TOO BAD SHE'S DEAD, ASSHOLE! She only died when he was a fricken BABY, DUH. It's a good thing your mom isn't scared of inconsiderate jerkoffs.

Ah, the dreaded Global Warming Disease. Usually contracted by sleeping in a friggin sweater. Believe me, you do not want to catch it. It's bad. Symptoms include mussy hair, stupidity, and waking up with a dirty-ass face.

Words these little asshats don't know/understand/pronounce correctly:
Foot
Terrorist
Internet
Wrapper
Warming
Staple

All of this, and they get "Iditarod" correct? There is no way those little bastards wouldn't butcher it into "I do a rod" or "I did a ride".
Seriously, there is no precedent for what you are doing with this comic, Bil. Please stop. I was trying to think of an analogy to show how you should give up, but I can't. There is no comparison. Instead, I'll just wait for the next person I see doing something completely useless , and I'll call them "The Bil Keane of Whatever They Do".

Examples:
"That guy is the Bil Keane of drawing with feces."
"That girl is the Bil Keane of humming Nickleback B-Sides."

I'll keep you posted.

Judging by Dad's obvious lack of virility and how tired Sam The Dog is, I'm guessing Hot Mom keeps track of the Peanut Butter supply better than any woman in North America.

But Billy, your ONLY role in this game is to seek. How could you forget that part? Hey, why do you have that sly gri-OHHHHHHHHH. Asshole.

Well, your stupid pants-roll looks the same, so that means you're not getting taller. Congratulations, you've joined the millions of other obese children. Please move to texas and grab yourself a Fried Coke post haste.

What. The. Hell. Black Apples? I'm pretty sure you know what color apples are, Keane. I also KNOW you have a red crayon because of Billy's shirt, so I'm totally confused by this choice. Did you fall out of your Craftmatic and smack your head?

Yeah, because you shouldn't expect to get paid for making shit drawings. Way to lack any sense of self-awarness, Keane.

If Dolly really does take everything more literally than Rain Man, shouldn't it be Pencilretardship?

Remember this logic in about 14 years, when you're a lumpy, attention-starved high school dropout with a case of crabs and a yearning for acceptance.

I'm the last person to underestimate the staggering depths of Dolly's stupidity, but even I refuse to believe that she doesn't know what a "foot" is. I don't believe the comic itself, but I do believe that Bil came up with it. Hey, is it possible for a writer to be less intelligent than the characters they create? That seems to go against some type of natural law. I think the universe is about to explode.

Apparently, it's the life in which a cat really likes getting a thumb up the butt.

Daddy has been dreading the "Dolly, you're too fucking stupid" conversation, but he knew the time would come eventually. His little girl is growing up.

Your biggest mistake is being such a pathetic douche, and as far as I can tell, that one is still happening. P.S. Your shoe is untied, dirtball.